


Long Gone

by Acexual_Attorney



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: 'its sad but cute' - quote from a friend that i forced to read this, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Ghosts, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-09-11 03:04:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8951407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Acexual_Attorney/pseuds/Acexual_Attorney
Summary: Everyone is born with a tattoo of their soulmate's name somewhere on their body. It's an unflawed system, a fact backed by thousands and centuries of billions of people who have found their soulmates. However, when Minghao finds his soulmate, cold and long dead, he can't help but think that there might be a few bumps in the universe.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HomosexualButterfly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HomosexualButterfly/gifts).



> happy (very very) late birthday and early christmas, evey!
> 
> i said id get this done sooner, but i got sick and im a procrastinator at heart (pity me) but i /do/ have the second and third chapters almost done so hopefully they should be posted soon!!
> 
> i hope u like it my sweet summer child uwu

“You’re late,” Minghao whispered to Jeonghan as the older slid into his seat. Because the class was so small, the professor gave both of them a pointed look before going back to her lecture about the proper ways to cut out a person’s soul mate tattoo without damaging it.

“I’m always late,” Jeonghan scoffed and pulled out a pen and paper to take notes. “What’d I miss?” he asked as he quickly jotted down the information on the whiteboard.

Minghao squinted at Jeonghan’s horrible handwriting before answering, “We’re working with cadavers tomorrow so Dr. Kim is going over how to properly dissect them.”

Jeonghan laughed into his hand. “Finally,” he said, “I was wondering when we’d get to the good stuff.”

“Why are you so morbid? You’re not even going into forensics, you’ll never have to work with dead bodies outside of this class.”

“Life-” Jeonghan ducked his head and pretended to scribble quickly on his paper when Dr. Kim turned to the class. When she turned back to the whiteboard, he restarted, “Life experiences, young Minghao-ya. If I can deal with a cadaver, I can deal with anything.”

Minghao pursed his lips and shook his head, not responding to Jeonghan’s faulty logic in favor of actually paying attention to how he should hold the scalpel for minimal collateral damage to the cadaver. He wasn’t planning on failing the class and- by extension- retaking it. Human anatomy was boring enough one time around, going for a second just might kill him.

The class ended early with the slamming of notebooks and Dr. Kim telling them to show up to the lab early. “Prepare your groups before class so we have as much time as possible and don’t forget to fill out your laboratory report. Remember, groups of 3-4 so we have enough for everyone.”

“So, Mr. I’m-Majoring-In-Forensic-Biology-Because-I’m-Secretly-Edgy, how does it feel to finally see your first dead body tomorrow?” Jeonghan wiggled his eyebrows at Minghao as he shoved his notes into his backpack.

“I’m not secretly edgy,” Minghao scoffed at the thought and Jeonghan laughed. “Plus, it won’t be my first time seeing a dead body, so it won’t be that exciting to be honest.”

“You’ve seen a dead body before?” Jeonghan pulled his bag into his lap and gave Minghao an incredulous look.

Minghao lifted his shoulders in a shrug just in time for Junhui to slip his arm over them and pull Minghao out of his chair. “Don’t you know, hyung, that every foreigner has seen at least one dead body? Koreans are so sheltered, it’s pitiful.” Junhui dragged Minghao to his feet and took his bookbag, slinging it over his shoulder on top of his own.

“Even Jisoo?” Jeonghan asked, eyebrow quirked and hand gripping the strap of his bag.

“There is no doubt in my mind that Jisoo has seen a dead body. He’s from  _ America _ , and as we all know, every American is required to be conducted into a gang by the age of twelve or else they will be sacrificed to the freedom god.” Junhui nodded with confidence as he spun his story, poking Jeonghan’s nose with his index finger just for show. “Isn’t that right, Minghao-ya?”

“Yeah, I thought you knew. Even Junhui hyung’s seen his fair share. Now give me my bag back.”

“Rude,” Junhui tisked, but still held Minghao’s bag out for him to grab.

Minghao stuck his tongue out at Junhui as he took his backpack and pulled in on. “Anyways, how's dissecting a cadaver going to be useful to you guys? You two are majoring in psychology.”

“Poor, nïave Minghao-ya,” Jeonghan shook his head and reached up to wrap his arm around Minghao’s neck, “You may get to poke around the cadaver’s stomach to see what made them die, but we get to poke around their brain to see what made them tick.”

Junhui nodded and added on, “You haven’t taken any psych classes, so you wouldn’t know that a lot of mental illnesses are physically seeable if you dissect the brain.”

“Okay, get away from me with your smart talk.” Minghao wrinkled his nose and slipped Jeonghan’s arm off his shoulders so he could move away from Junhui. Jeonghan just shrugged and wrapped his arm around Junhui’s neck instead.

Jeonghan and Junhui continued to tease Minghao’s choice in majors until they had to depart ways so they could all go on to their next classes. Once he was alone, though, Minghao felt a strange discomfort settle in his stomach. He chalked it up to the an oncoming cold, after all the seasons were supposed to change soon and his immune system never agreed with drastic changes in weather. He shrugged off the unease and instead set a reminder for himself to write his lab report once he got back to his dorm.

 

* * *

  
  


It was unspoken but already known that Junhui, Jeonghan, and Minghao would group together the next day. They didn’t even greet one another when they walked into class wearing the required scrubs, instead Jeonghan asked to see Minghao’s lab report because he only finished half of it before his roommates distracted him with vodka and video games.

Once the entire class was gathered, Dr. Kim cleared her throat to make a few final announcements before turning them loose. “-and, I can’t believe I have to actually say this, but please be respectful to the cadavers. That means treating them with care and  _ no  _ drawing penises on them with the scalpels,” she gave a pointed look at a rowdy group of boys who had taken it upon themselves to draw dicks on every assignment they turned in before dismissing them.

Jeonghan took the clipboard offered to their group by the student aid and led them to the corresponding cadaver. The body was settled on a small metal table and covered in a light blue cloth, a tuft of black hair poking out of the top and leading to a paling forehead that disappeared underneath the blanket.

“Alright, Mr. Forensics, tell us what we need to do,” Jeonghan said as he sat the clipboard on their work table next to the tray of tools.

Minghao glared at Jeonghan, unamused, but still instructed them on what to do. “Since you decided to be a smart ellic today, you get to find the soulmate mark. Junhui-hyung, you get to look at the patient information so we can know what we’re working with, and I’ll study the body for any outward evidence of trauma.”

Jeonghan groaned and Junhui let out a small “ _ Sweet _ ” as he picked up the clipboard Jeonghan sat down. Jeonghan grumbled to himself as he pulled back the cloth to start searching. They all set off to work on their respective tasks in silence for a few minutes until Jeonghan shattered the calm.

“Minghao-ya,” he called from his side of the table, scalpel held frozen above the skin. When Minghao look up, Jeonghan gestured for him to get closer, saying, “You might want to look at this.”

“What is it, hyung?” Minghao rounded the table to look at whatever Jeonghan was staring at so intensely.

Jeonghan simply pointed to the patch of skin on the body’s stomach, just above and outward of the hip. There, glistening from the rubbing alcohol Jeonghan had used to cleanse it, was Minghao’s name written in black cursive. Minghao blinked at his own name for a moment, gasp stuck in his throat. He couldn’t breath and he was frozen in place as his heart sped up, audibly thumping in his chest.

A sharp sting shot through his side, and Minghao was ripping off his gloves before he could even yelp in pain. He lifted up his shirt just in time to see the cursive on his own stomach turn to shiny gold letters.

“Minghao-ya?” Junhui had sat down the clipboard and left his own position to see what the commotion was about, worry sharpening the vowels of Minghao’s name.

Minghao couldn’t hear him past the blood rushing in his ears. He pushed past Jeonghan to reach the clipboard Junhui just sat down and there, in cold black print, was the same name.

“Kwon Soonyoung.”

Minghao stared at the name, hand subconsciously going to rub at the letters on his skin through his scrubs. When the reality hit him, he dropped the clipboard with a loud clatter that had other students looking in their direction.

Minghao could faintly hear Jeonghan calling for Dr. Kim, but he was starting to get tunnel vision and the world was spinning too fast for him to comprehend anything past the fact that his soulmate, Kwon Soonyoung- the person he was  _ supposed _ to spend his entire life with and be happy with- died before they could even meet. Minghao would never see him laugh, see him smile or cry from joy. Minghao would never know about his interests, his favorite band and what he did in his free time. Minghao would never get the chance to fall in love with him because, even though he’s  _ right there _ , so close and within his grasp, he was already gone.

He doesn’t remember falling, but when Minghao is finally able to take in his surroundings again, he was sitting on the floor with Dr. Kim kneeling in front of him and Junhui and Jeonghan trying to calm him down. He gulped and took a shaky breath before he was able to be helped to his feet.

“That’s not supposed to happen, is it?” He asked weakly. He was acutely aware of everyone staring at him. His knees were shaking and he had a very unsettling sense of dread flooding the base of his chest and filled up past his throat, making anything he wanted to say get stuck.

Dr. Kim just pursed her lips as she checked Minghao’s pulse and forehead. “I’ll talk to Professor Baek about it. We can put the cadaver up meanwhile so no one harms him-” she checked his eyes and clucked her tongue. “Do you feel nauseous right now?” She asked. When Minghao shook his head, she nodded and said, “It doesn’t seem like you’re going into shock, but you better go ahead and go back to your dorm to rest. Wen Junhui-ssi, can you make sure he gets back safely?”

Junhui nodded and carefully put his arm around Minghao to lead him out of the laboratory. The hand he had on his side was heavy and uncomfortably warm, seeping through Minghao’s scrubs and making him shift uncomfortably. When they stepped outside, the sun hurt Minghao’s eyes, and he had to keep them focused on the ground so they wouldn’t sting.

Despite Junhui’s arm around him and he sun heating up the back of his shirt, a cold enveloped him. His feet and fingers were numb and his heart clenched uncomfortably in ice. Junhui was talking to him, but he couldn’t find it in himself to listen. The wind was blowing too loud for him to really hear anything and the pressure behind his eyes was building up too fast for him to comprehend the journey from the medical building to his dorms.

If he thought the white sunlight was bad, the yellow florescent lights of his dorm building was worse. The low hum of electricity in the overhead lights made his head hurt and the harsh laughter of other students lounging in the recreational area made him irritated and fidgety. Junhui turned him to his room and, thankfully, when the door shut behind them, all sound was muffled, and Minghao sighed in relief as he sat down on his bed.

“Are you okay?” Junhui asked softly, one hand on Minghao’s shoulder and the other on his knee.

Minghao couldn’t find it in himself to actually talk. There were too many emotions clogging his throat, and if he said anything, he was sure he would cry. He shook his head instead.

“Do you want me to stay with you?” Junhui asked.

Minghao shook his head again.

“Are you sure?”

Minghao nodded.

Junhui nodded back, a quiet “Alright” barely whispered past his pressed lips. “You can call me if you need me.” Minghao didn’t respond, so Junhui stood up and put his hand on the door. “Stay safe,” he said, and shut the door behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seokmin drags Minghao out of their dorm for Mingao's own good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is ,,, considerably shorter than the first chapter,, or at least i feel like it is lmao sorry

Minghao was getting better. It still hurt every time he saw the letters on his stomach fading from a bright gold to a cold gray and the puffy circles under his eyes staring bleakly at him every time he passed a mirror, but it was starting to hurt less, the hopelessness was starting to fade. His professors allowed him a week off to recover, and even though the week was nearing an end, he didn’t feel ready to face the sad pitiful looks his classmates would give him.

He didn’t feel ready to face anything, to be honest. The ache in his chest was never ending and making him weak, emotionally and physically. His head always hurt and his eyes never stopped stinging. Of course, that didn’t stop his roommate from trying to get him outside.

“Come on, Minghao, you’ve been holed up long enough, let’s go out and do something!” Seokmin said as he drew back the curtains, shining blindingly bright sunlight into Minghao’s eyes.

Minghao grumbled unintelligibly and rolled over on his bed. He pulled a pillow over his head and curled up into a ball, effectively shutting out Seokmin for the moment. Seokmin didn’t give up, though, tugging the pillow out of his grasp and tossing it across the dorm. Minghao glared up at him.

“Let me sulk,” he said dejectedly, voice cracking from lack of use and flopping his arm out to hopefully try and hit Seokmin.

Seokmin caught Minghao’s hand and said, “You’ve been sulking for the last four days, Minghao. You’ve been eating nothing but instant ramyun and throwing it up, it’s not healthy. When was the last time you had water or meat?” Minghao looked at him sadly, so Seokmin frowned.

“I know you want to mourn, but torturing yourself won’t help anyone. I told Mingyu and Seungkwan-ah that’d we’d have lunch with them. You love hanging out with them and it’ll make you feel better.”

“Do I have to?”

“No, but if you don’t, I’ll call your mom and tell her what you’ve been doing to yourself,” Seokmin said.

Minghao glared at Seokmin, venom dripping out of his stare. “You’re evil,” he said.

“Chaotic good,” Seokmin corrected as he tried to pull Minghao up into a sitting position. “Shower and get dressed or we’ll be late.”

“Evil,” Minghao mumbled, but still trudged his way to the bathroom.

The water was cold and made his feet numb and the high water pressure beat into his back and head almost painfully, but he was used to it after living on campus for so long. Even though he wouldn’t like to admit it, Seokmin was right, because the water washed away the crust that made him feel disgusted and when he got out, he felt better, even though it was just marginally.

He couldn’t find his hairbrush at first, and after a full minute of looking, he settled with just using Seokmin’s. Minghao wasn’t sure if his lack of sleep (or overabundance, he couldn’t really remember how the time passed these last few days) that created the weird feeling in his chest or it was just the fact that he hadn’t actually gotten out of bed for an extended period of time in over 76 hours.

Seokmin was waiting for him by the door, keys in hand and phone out, probably texting Mingyu or Seungkwan. “Are you ready to go?” He asked, looking up to give Minghao a cursory glance.

“I guess,” Minghao shrugged. In all reality, he would rather stay sitting in their dark dorm, but he knew that Seokmin would drag him out of their building if he had to.

“Come on,” Seokmin flashed a smile and wrapped an arm around Minghao’s shoulders after putting his phone in his pocket, “Seungkwan-ah and Mingyu are waiting for us.”

Seokmin lead Minghao to an outdoor cafe just next to their dorm complex, trying his best all the way to at least make Minghao smile. It didn’t work, but he could at least appreciate the attempt. The idle chatter was comforting and seeing Mingyu and Seungkwan sitting at a small table between clumps of pink and red striped carnations was definitely a sight for sore eyes. Maybe this wouldn’t be as bad as he thought.

“You look like you got hit by a bus.”

Maybe not.

“Fuck you,” Minghao said as he sat down at the metal table, flashing Mingyu his middle finger as a greeting.

“You haven’t changed at all, I see,” Seungkwan hummed as he looked over the menu the covered the lower half of his face. He glanced up at Minghao briefly, gaze softening, and asked quietly, “Are you doing okay?”

Minghao shrugged. “I’ve done better.”

Seungkwan nodded, lips pursed. “Do you wanna order?”

Minghao shrugged again, shaking his head, but Seungkwan still called a waiter over.

Originally, Minghao wasn’t going to order anything, claiming that his stomach couldn’t handle food at the moment, and if the half-digested ramyun floating in the toilet back at their dorm was anything to go by, he was speaking the truth. Still, Mingyu ordered sweet bread for him, claiming that it would settle his stomach, and Seokmin got two coffees so he could give one to Minghao. Minghao felt more like it was forced on him than given, but he was thankful nonetheless.

Seokmin and Mingyu and Seungkwan continued to try and cheer Minghao up, but nothing caused him to do more than let out a small smile. It looked more like a grimace than anything, but no one commented on it, leaving instead for them to lapse into a empty silence filled only with the sound of birds chirping off in the distance and the comfortable conversations of other costumers.

Mingyu broke their silence by slamming down his drink, causing the table to shake and Seungkwan to scramble for his chopsticks, which were threatening to roll onto the ground. “I know what you can do!” He shouted in excitement. A few people turned to look at the noise, and he blushed in embarrassment.

“What?” Seungkwan asked, clutching his saved chopsticks to his chest.

“Necrophilia.” Mingyu said, nodding once to show how confident he was in his solution.

“I think you mean necromancy,” Seokmin corrected.

“Either or,” Mingyu shrugged.

“I’m not fucking a dead body.” Minghao said dryly.

“No one said you had to,” Mingyu said.

After a stale silence of Minghao staring at Mingyu with nothing but malice, Seungkwan cleared his throat and tapped his chopsticks on his tray to get everyone’s attention.

“I think you need closure,” he said once he caught Minghao’s eye. “We need to hold, like, a mini funeral or something. Just a little event that will help you accept this whole mess and make you feel better.”

“It’s no use,” Minghao sighed and poked at the sweet bread dejectedly, “His funeral was held before he was brought here and he’s already been cremated to be shipped back to his family.” He gave one final stab to the bread before pushing it away to lay his head on the table. He wasn’t hungry in the first place, if anything just the smell of food made his stomach churn like a whirlpool.

“What if, like, we do a seance or something? That’d bring you closure, right?” Mingyu’s voice actually held some kind of semblance to a caring tone, so Minghao frowned.

“That sounds like the plot to a horror movie, Mingyu,” Seokmin slapped Mingyu’s shoulder.

“Yeah, and it usually works!” Mingyu insisted, “I mean, what harm would it be in trying? Worst case scenario is that it doesn’t work, right?”

“I think worst case scenario is that we accidentally invite a demon into our dorm,” Seokmin said.

“Yeah, I don’t think messing with the spirit world is your be-”

“I think we should try it.”

Seokmin and Seungkwan almost got whiplash from how fast they turned to look at Minghao, and Mingyu looked like he just won the lottery. Never, not once in their entire friendship, had Minghao ever agreed to one of Mingyu’s stupid plans so blatantly.

“Maybe you should go back to bed, hyung.” Seungkwan reached across the table to hold one of Minghao’s hands between the both of his.

Minghao sat up straighter and shook his hand out of Seungkwan’s grip.

“I’m fine, Seungkwan-ah. I don’t think you guys understand how desperate I am. None of you have met your soulmates yet, so you don’t know the burn I feel. You have no idea how much my body hurts or how empty I feel just thinking about him. If there is any possibility to talk to him on any level, even if it means bringing demons into our dorm, I’m willing to do it,” Minghao said. His voice held something beyond what any of them could comprehend, extending past desperation and bordering on an emotion that words could never describe. For once in his life, Minghao looked completely serious, and his friends could never recall seeing such levels of depression deepening his eyes.

“Only if you’re sure, Minghao,” Seokmin broke the stifling silence that covered the table’s occupants by placing his hand on top of Minghao’s in what he hoped was a comforting gesture.

“I’m willing to try anything.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyye finally back with this :D
> 
> sorry it took so long! i got the short end of the stick with classes this semester, so i havent been able to write as much as i wouldve like too. however!!! i do plan on writing one more chapter to tie things up, so fingers crossed i can get that done and posted before march ends

Soonyoung didn’t remember waking up, but to be fair, he didn’t exactly remember falling asleep either. All he can recall is drifting into consciousness, slowly becoming aware of his surroundings and absorbing the light that caught his eye.

He was now an observer.

Whatever body he had before was gone, and now all he had was a floating consciousness. He could look and see, but he could no longer touch or feel. Or, at least, that’s what it was like for the first few days.

At first, he could barely even see, but as time went by, he could distinguish vague shapes and colors. The environment around him never ceased changing, but there was always one constant wherever he was. Soon enough, the edges on the blurry outlines of objects became sharper and the colors filling in those lines became more vivid.

Soonyoung was able to name the constant as a boy. Or a young man, really, because the kid didn’t look much younger than Soonyoung before… whatever happened to him happened. More time passed, and Soonyoung learned that the boy had a name.

His name was Minghao. Even though Soonyoung could never remember hearing the name before in his life, it still felt familiar. That was the first time he felt something in this new form. Warmth spread through him and he felt like he must be radiating heat, but Minghao never took any notice, just going along with his day and attending his different classes.

It wasn’t until sometime after that Soonyoung figured out what exactly was going on. When Minghao was in some kind of medical course and they started dissecting what appeared to be human bodies.

The face of the person Minghao’s group was working on was familiar, black hair and chubby cheeks paling with lack of blood flow. Sharp eyes closed in mock sleep and shoulders stiff from rigor mortis. The recognition jolted Soonyoung, and suddenly he was much more than  _ just _ an observer.

Looking down on himself, he watched as Minghao observed something on his body, the soulmate tattoo he knew for a fact that was resting just above his hip. Even though he had no body, he felt ghost pain shoot through his stomach, and if he had a body, he would have curled up from the shock. Guilt consumed him as he watched Minghao fall to the ground, overwhelmed with the sadness he must have felt.

He would rather not dwell on the situation, it brought up memories that he didn’t want to think about. Something that almost felt like shame washed over Soonyoung, something like regret and remorse. He was the one that did this, caused his soulmate such pain, but there was nothing he could do about it. He supposed this was punishment enough, though, being forced to watch Minghao drown in mourning and being unable to do anything. Soonyoung didn’t even know Minghao, but he still felt horrible for causing such emotions.

It didn’t surprise Soonyoung that Minghao shut himself up inside his dorm for the next few days. In all honestly, he would have done the same, if not, worse. There wasn’t really a lot for Soonyoung to do considering his state and the fact that he couldn’t exist outside of Minghao’s radius. He tried to leave, to move on to whatever “lay beyond” or whatever, but he couldn’t. It was like there was an invisible string keeping him tethered to Minghao.

The days that Minghao spent in his dorm allowed him to experiment, though. The boredom soon became too much and he found if he concentrated hard enough, objects would move. He supposed it was stereotypical for ghosts to move things for a reason, because it was honestly the only thing he  _ could _ do.

Soonyoung wasn’t really sure how this whole ghost thing worked, and he wasn’t sure  _ why  _ he was a ghost in the first place. It confused him more than anything else because, at first, he had no body, however, he gradually felt the presence of the different body parts he had before death. He felt his hand twitch when Minghao would throw up old ramyun and his heart would hurt when Minghao started crying in the middle of the night. He still couldn’t see his own body, but it was  _ there _ , he felt it and he moved it, but there were no visuals to go along with it.

It was jarring, to say the least.

What was even more jarring, however, was Minghao finally leaving his dorm. After countless days of being stuck in the yellowing walls of his tiny 5 x 7 room, Minghao actually got up to shower once his roommate forced him too. He had trouble finding the hairbrush Soonyoung had (accidentally) pushed behind the trashcan, but he eventually got ready and left, forcing Soonyoung to follow.

Being outside again after days of looking at Minghao under artificial lighting made Soonyoung’s eyes hurt. It was too bright and the colors seemed to attack his retinas, and the noises were almost overwhelming. It was like he just coming into consciousness again, only this time he knew what was going on.

Soonyoung didn’t really know how the time passed, he couldn’t see past the glare of of the sun against the metal table or hear past the chatter of of people going through their daily life. It was like he was watching them through an old distorted television with a bad connection, everything looking oversaturated and fuzzy.

He could hear Minghao talking, though. He recognized the soft voice from the few times he had spoken before and felt his heart clench. He regretted so many things in that moment, and if he could cry, he would.

He couldn’t cry, though, so he settled for drifting over Minghao’s shoulder and letting his gentle banter with his friends lull him into sated state. This was the most Soonyoung had ever heard Minghao talk, and he seemed genuinely happy with his friends, so Soonyoung allowed himself to relax. He could almost imagine himself wrapping his arms around Minghao’s back and laying his head on his shoulders, pressing soft kisses into his neck while listening to him talk, and he was almost tempted to try if it wasn’t for the sudden desperate tone that jolted Minghao’s body.

Soonyoung wasn’t able to catch much besides the soft “I’m willing to try anything,” that had Minghao looking down at his own hands. Soonyoung didn’t know what he missed, but based on the shocked and concerned expressions of his three friends, it had to have been something big.

There was a thick silence that made even Soonyoung uncomfortable, causing him to shift around Minghao anxiously. His friends looked at one another worriedly before the one with brown hair and triangular face caught Minghao’s lowered gaze and said with a voice filled with nothing but care, “We will if you want to, hyung, but only if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure,” the words that left Minghao’s mouth sounded broken but determined.

Their conversation continued on like the dip in mood never happened, but Soonyoung still saw Minghao’s roommate fidget in his seat and give accusatory glances at the tallest one at the table. They didn’t bring it back up, so Soonyoung let their talking become white noise once again, only paying attention to the lilt in Minghao’s voice when he talked.

 

* * *

Minghao went out a lot more often after that, and Soonyoung became more accustomed to natural light once more. Minghao smiled more and let his friends distract him from his catch-up work, so Soonyoung let himself think that maybe- hopefully- Minghao was allowing himself to recover.

They were adjusting, and, even if Minghao didn’t realize that Soonyoung was there, they were adjusting together. The comfort that Soonyoung was able to feel around Minghao allowed him to daydream and pretend that everything was normal, that they were normal and that nothing was wrong. When Minghao was sitting on his bed, laptop pulled up to his chemistry homework and Soonyoung was sitting next to him, and when Minghao shifted closer to Soonyoung, even though it was more of a coincidence than anything, Soonyoung let himself believe they had a perfectly normal relationship that romance novels would write about.

It was slightly creepy, considering Minghao had no idea Soonyoung was forever lurking over his shoulder, and he admitted that, but what Minghao didn’t know didn’t hurt him. Soonyoung just wished he could tell Minghao how sorry he was.

Soonyoung wished he could look in Minghao’s eyes and whisper his apologies with his heart beating so fast it caused desperation and regret to spill out of his mouth faster than he could think up words to go along with them. He wished Minghao would then hug him tightly, say it was alright, that everything would be okay and that it wasn’t Soonyoung’s fault (it was, though). He wished they could press their faces close together and let their proximity just be comfort enough, for the light brush of lips over tear-stained cheeks to bring them back down to earth, back into each other’s arms.

Then again, Soonyoung was always a daydreamer.

It was during one such daydream that a ruckus was heard outside of Minghao’s dorm. Minghao didn’t seem to pay it any mind, continuing to fill out the chemistry formulas that were his makeup work with a flat face. It was only when the loud ruckus quieted down and the click of the dormitory door unlocking did Minghao look up from his laptop.

Minghao’s roommate- Seokmin, Soonyoung had to remind himself- opened the door and walked into the dorm with five people following him. Two of them Soonyoung recognized as the friends Minghao met up with- Minhyuk and Seungkwan, if he remembered correctly, but then again Soonyoung was never really that good with names- and two more who Soonyoung vaguely recalled Minghao sharing classes with, but the last he had no idea who he was.

Minghao sat aside his laptop and raised an eyebrow, amusement making his voice lighter as he spoke, “Christ, Seokmin, did you bring everyone?”

“I wish,” Seokmin scoffed as the five add-ons dispersed around the room. Three of them sat on Seokmin’s bed and the other two settled down next to Minghao. “Jisoo and Jeonghan hyung went with Seungcheol hyung to his parents and Jihoon and Wonwoo hyung are studying for their music theory final so they couldn’t make it.”

“Jihoon-ah says that he sends his regards, though, even though he thinks this will end horribly wrong, and honestly I can’t argue with him,” one of the boys Soonyoung only vaguely recognized shrugged.

“Junhui hyung, don’t be awful,” Seungkwan elbowed the boy in the side, making him pout and rub the sore spot.

Minghao just laughed, smile wide and head tilted down so he couldn’t see the relieved looks his friends gave one another. Soonyoung couldn’t blame them, they were obviously worried but it seemed like Minghao was recovering quickly, especially compared to how depressed he had been at the beginning of the week.

“Anyways,” the boy from before- Junhui- spoke up, “Since the hyungs are gone, that means I’m the oldest and therefore in charge. So don’t get on my bad side, Boo-ssi.”

Seungkwan scowled and huffed, turning towards Seokmin. “Did you really have to invite him?” He asked. All Seokmin did was shrug, hands palm up in a gesture that said ‘don’t look at me.’

“First order of business,” Junhui continued like Seungkwan never said anything in the first place, “Hansol-ah, did you bring the ouija board.”

One of the boys sitting on Minghao’s bed nodded and slipped off his backpack so he could rummage through it before pulling out a thick plank of wood with writing on it. After a bit more rummaging, he produced a small triangular piece of wood from the depths of his bag.

“Why do you have a ouija board?” Minhyuk asked, scooting forward so that he was on the edge of Seokmin’s bed and could get a better look at the board.

Hansol shrugged and slid down to the floor so he could place the board in the center of the room. The one boy who Soonyoung still didn’t know the name of slid down to sit next to him and Seungkwan did the same.

“My sister, Sophia, had a big ghost kick when she was around 17 and bought a bunch of things so she could ‘communicate with the dead’ or something. I asked if she still had some of her old stuff and she gave it to me,” Hansol said, shrugging as he placed the wooden triangle on the board.

“Do you even know how to use a ouija board?” Seungkwan asked, narrowing his eyes as he suspiciously scanned the board.

“How hard can it be?” Hansol replied. “I do know that everyone besides the documenter has to have at least one finger on the planchette, though, so get your asses over here.” 

“Documenter?” Minhyuk asked as everyone slid down to the floor, effectively encompassing the board in a small circle of people.

“Yeah, like- ya know- the guy who writes down the letters the spirit is spelling out so that we have an easier time figuring out what they’re saying and all? Seokmin hyung can document, I guess.” Hansol said.

Seokmin let out a small “sweet” before reaching over to pull a piece of paper and pen off their desk.

Once everyone was settled, Seokmin with a pen posed over a scrap piece of notebook paper and everyone else struggling to have a hand on the planchette, they looked to Hansol. Hansol cleared his throat and started out, unsure with himself, “Okay, so, like, are there any spirits with us?”

“Smooth, bro,” Minhyuk laughed, making Hansol wrinkle his nose and stick his tongue out.

Nothing happened for a few minutes until Soonyoung realized  _ oh _ this is the part where  _ he _ has to move the planchette. Timidly, he floated over the board and reached out to the planchette. Minghao shivered when his hand hovered over his, and Soonyoung felt his nonexistent heart skip a beat. Slowly, Soonyoung was able to move the piece over to “ _ Yes _ ”.

“Holy shit,” Seokmin breathed, eyes wide.

“Hansol-ah, this better not be a joke,” Minghao looked like he was about to leave the room or cry or both.

“It’s not a joke, I swear.” Hansol crossed his heart with the hand that wasn't on the planchette.

“What’s your name?” Seungkwan asked.

“ _ K-W-O-N-S-O-O-N-Y _ ” As fast as he could, Soonyoung tried to spell out his name, but before he could finish, Minghao interrupted him, breathing out a soft, “Kwon Soonyoung.”

Soonyoung moved the planchette to “ _ Yes _ ”.

“Should we introduce ourselves? Is that a thing people do for ghosts?” Junhui asked, looking around the room to hopefully get a glimpse of Soonyoung.

Hansol made a vague sound out of the back of his throat, shrugging, and said, “I mean, it wouldn’t hurt, I guess.” So, one by one, they introduced themselves, starting with Hansol. Apparently, he had gotten the tall boy’s name wrong (Mingyu, not Minhyuk, but hey, he was close) and the new boy’s name was Chan.

“Um,” Minghao cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably. “How do we know this is actually you?” He asked.

While Soonyoung was completely capable of spelling out “Minghao is my soulmate and I’ve been tethered to him for the last two weeks so I can tell you about all of his little adorable habits because even though it’s only been half a month, I already love him” he doesn’t think anyone could really keep up with that train of thought, or even have the patience to sit through the run on sentence. Instead, he just pushed the planchette towards Minghao.

Minghao gulped and licked his lips, nodding his head slightly in recognition of what Soonyoung was trying to say. Soonyoung didn’t know what he wanted to accomplish by pushing the planchette so hard that it almost flew off the board in the direction of Minghao, but it made Minghao’s breath catch in his throat and blink to try and keep tears from falling.

Minghao seemed like he was in a trance, staring right at Soonyoung but not seeing him at all. “How’d you die?” He asked, voice barely above a whisper, and if it had been a few days prior, Soonyoung was sure he wouldn’t have been able to hear him.

It took a moment for Soonyoung to spell out the word, heart aching and guilting blurring his mind to the point where he wasn’t sure if he spelt it right in the first place. He got through it, eventually, and the small circle looked to Seokmin to see what Soonyoung spelled.

Seokmin shifted uncomfortably and cleared his throat before biting his lip and saying, “He- uh- he died of an overdose.”

Any possible cheer was immediately sucked out of the room and part of Soonyoung regretting telling them. He wished he said something cool, like he fought a lion or he fell off Mount. Everest, but it was too late now.

“Did you overdose on purpose?” Chan asked. His voice sounded too small, and it was then that Soonyoung realized how young he was, how young all of them were. Hell, he was only 24 when he killed himself, and most everyone in the room had to be younger than him.

The regret he felt before doubled as he moved the planchette to “ _ Yes _ ”.

The tears Minghao had previously been holding back broke free. He tried to blink them away, to rub them off on his shirt, but there were too many and he was slowly getting soaked, snot and tears mixing together on his sleeves and chin.

Soonyoung wanted to comfort him, to wipe away his tears, caress his cheek, pull him to his chest and tell him he was sorry. He almost tried, hand reaching out to graze underneath Minghao’s eye, but he jerked back, like he knew where Soonyoung was and what he was trying to do.

He moved back to the planchette, spelling out words he hoped would convey his regret.

“He said he’s sorry.” Seokmin seemed to be the only one paying attention, making everyone else jump when he gently relayed what Soonyoung said.

The words only made Minghao sob harder, hands fully covering his face and shoulders shaking with the effort to hide the sounds he made in the back of his throat. His knees pulled up to his chest and his chin tucked down to make himself smaller and Soonyoung could practically feel the sorrow rolling off the younger in strong waves that shook the both of them.

Before Soonyoung could think any better, he reached out a tentative hand and brushed away the hair that was starting to stick to Minghao’s forehead. The hair itself didn’t move that much, just twitching in the direction Soonyoung moved it in, but the reaction he received from Minghao was what really grabbed his attention.

Minghao shivered at Soonyoung’s touch, jolting him out of his small cocoon so he could raise his head and look widely around the room. His gaze rested on Soonyoung, eyes wide and breath coming in ragged gusts.

“I- I don’t-” he tried to say, pupils shaking as he tried to find the right words, but in that moment, all possible Korean phrases escaped his mind.

“Hyung, are you okay?” Seungkwan asked, sitting up straighter so he could rush to Minghao’s side if he needed to.

“I think- I don’t-” Minghao licked his lips and took a deep breath before retrying. “Soonyoung-ssi, am I looking at you right now?” He asked, gaze never leaving Soonyoung.

“ _ Yes _ ”.

“Minghao, how did you….?” Mingyu couldn’t form the proper words to finish his sentence, only looking in the area that Minghao’s eyes were directed to hopefully get a glimpse of Soonyoung.

“I don’t know.” Minghao’s eyebrows scrunched together, creasing his forehead into small worry lines. “It’s like… there’s a mist? I think. I don’t  _ see _ him, but I  _ feel _ him.” Minghao’s words held an air of unsureness, tinting his voice in question marks.

“Hansol-ah, what do we do?” Junhui sounded slightly panicked. He had long let go of the planchette in favor of gripping onto Mingyu’s sleeve, eyes wide in what could only be described as disbelief.

Hansol gave Junhui a bewildered look before making a frustrated noise. “How should I know? I didn’t even think this would work!”

“Call your sister!” Mingyu sounded just as distressed as Junhui, and Soonyoung might have found the scene hilarious if Minghao wasn’t still looking at him like he saw a ghost (although, technically- Soonyoung thinks- he has).

“Stop,” Seungkwan hissed, reaching across the ouija board and almost going through Soonyoung to swat at Mingyu and Junhui. “You guys are making him uncomfortable.”

“How would you know?” Chan asked, “It’s not like you can see hi-” Chan interrupted himself with a gasp, then lowered his voice- “unless you're psychic. Hyung, can you see ghosts?”

Seungkwan jutted his lips out and gave Chan the stink eye. “No you brat, I just have a good feel for people’s emotions,” he sniffed and turned away from Chan to pout at the wall.

“Lier.”

Seungkwan gasped at Hansol’s comment, looking like he was ready to pounce on him for a full-out brawl.

The volume of the room suddenly increased with six of the occupants bickering at one another and trying to be heard over each other’s voices. Before things could get too out of hand, Minghao closed his eyes and yelled over the growing noise, “Be quiet!” Soonyoung was highly impressed with how fast the others quickly stopped talking and turned to give Minghao their full attention.

The silence felt like it was teetering on a tightrope, like if it leaned too far in one direction, it would plummet and shatter. With the fragileness in mind, every kept quiet with bated breath as they waited for Minghao to speak again.

Minghao fidgeted for a few moments before saying in a small voice, “I don’t wanna be rude, but could you guys, like, get out? You too, Seokmin. I just wanna talk to Soonyoung-ssi for a little bit. Alone.”

The response was immediate. Hansol quickly closed the ouija board with a loud  _ thunk _ , stuffing the planchette in his pocket and exiting the room with a rushed “Call me if you need me, hyung” and exiting the dorm, Chan and Seungkwan following on his heels after they gave their own brief goodbyes. Seokmin was able to shove Junhui and Mingyu out of the room before they could ask too many questions, telling Minghao to text him when he was ready and slamming the door closed behind him in his rush.

Minghao smiled faintly at the door before his eyes started roaming the room. It took a few passes out the dorm, but Minghao was eventually able to pinpoint Soonyoung. He got up quietly and sat on the bed, keeping his gaze on Soonyoung as quiet settled around them once again.

It took a quite a few minutes of silence before Minghao was ready to speak.

“Hey, um,” he started out gruffly, coughing slightly before trying to continue. “So, like, I don’t know if you can hear me or anything, and I don’t think there’s any way you can talk back to me since Hansol-ah took the ouija board, but-” Minghao stopped again, calming himself and trying to find his words.

“You don’t have to apologize for what you did. I don’t know  _ why _ you did it, but it’s not like we can do anything about it now, so I don’t want you to beat yourself up over it. I mean, yeah, I’m sad as hell about it, but I can get over it.” Minghao took a deep breath and looked straight at Soonyoung. “I want to get through this with you by my side.”

  
Soonyoung wanted to oh-so desperately hug Minghao, so with a little hesitance, he drifted over to Minghao and tentatively wrapped one hand around his back. A shiver ran up Minghao’s back at the ghost of a touch, but a small smile still tugged at the corner of his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALSO HEY I DIDNT REALIZE BUt this is officially my longest published work eyyyyy nice @evey hell of a bday/christmas present amiright


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimpses of Minghao and Soonyoung's life together from beginning to end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM FINALLY DONE AYYE be proud of me this is the longest thing ive ever written and im very happy that its done
> 
> also this almost didnt post the first time and i was about to fucking scream at 1am fuck

“What do you miss about being alive?”

The question shocked Soonyoung. Mostly because it was out of the blue, breaking the calm atmosphere that was created by Minghao softly typing away at an overdue literature paper. No outside noises broke into the room besides the light chirping of birds and the occasional shout of college students walking from one class to another. It smelt and felt like Spring, reminding everyone that spring break was just around the corner.

When he didn’t get an immediate response, Minghao looked up at Soonyoung, who was lazily floating above Minghao’s bed and watching him write. His eyes bored into Soonyoung. Even though he knew Minghao could only see a vague shape that loosely resembled himself, Soonyoung felt the need to drift closer so he could shrug.

“I don’t know,” he answered truthfully. There were a lot of things he missed. His parents, the feeling of sunshine on his back during the summer, the smell of freshly baked cake, the soft crunch of snow under his feet when he walked to school in the winter- just to name a few.

“Look at it this way,” Minghao set aside his laptop so he could bring his knees to his chest and give Soonyoung his undivided attention, “If you could be alive for one day, what would you do?”

“Cuddle with you~” Soonyoung managed to say with the cheesiest tone he could muster.

Minghao scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I’m serious, what would you do?” He insisted. His eyes sparkled with interest and Soonyoung could feel his heart almost jump out of his chest.

Soonyoung decided to answer truthfully, humming in thought for a moment before finally saying, “I miss making people laugh a lot. For a while I even wanted to become a comedian, but I kinda gave that dream up when I hit high school.”

Minghao nodded in understanding, mouth pulling up into a slant so he could chew on his lip.

“What about you?” Soonyoung asked. “I mean- you're still alive, but what’d you wanna be when you were a kid?”

Minghao let out a short huff of laughter before stretching his legs out so he could lean back on his bed. He gave it a moment of thought, continuing to chew his lip until he said, “Don’t laugh, but- I kinda wanted to be an idol when I was little. You know, sing, dance, all that stuff, but my parents couldn’t afford to send me overseas. When I finally got a scholarship to come here, I was already too old to audition for anywhere, and if they  _ did _ take me, I’d be way too old to debut by the time I’d be done training. Besides, the scholarship wouldn’t allow me to audition anywhere anyways.” Minghao glanced up at Soonyoung, then looked back down at his lap. “I feel like that didn’t make sense, sorry.”

“You should sing to me some time.” Soonyoung said.

Minghao waved a dismissive hand in the air, scoffing out a soft “Nah.”

“What about dancing?”

Minghao’s eyes lit up slightly. He glanced up at Soonyoung, a smile faintly pulling at his lips. “Maybe some day.”

* * *

If there’s one thing Soonyoung liked about Minghao, it’s how stubborn he is. It only took a few weeks for Soonyoung to realize that once Minghao had his mind set on something, he wouldn’t stop until he succeeded or died trying, so it was no surprise when the same logic applied to dancing.

Of course, Soonyoung knew Minghao liked dancing, that he was good at it, if only because he talked about it so fondly when reminiscing about his childhood. His eyes would glaze over and his voice would become softer, like he was remembering a distant memory that he could never relive, but still looked upon it with the utmost love.

Apparently, after coming to Korea to be a college student full-time, Minghao had just never found the time to go join a studio or even work on a routine, so he was horribly out of practice, but that didn’t stop him from trying his best when Soonyoung kept insisting for Minghao to get back into dancing.

It had been a little over two years since Minghao had been able to dance in a setting more professional that with friends when he was trying to show off, but the freedom he felt was old and nostalgic, making his grin wide and easy even though he was sweating enough to drench through his shirt. He was tired, but he wouldn’t stop until he could perform his old routine again as perfectly as he used to.

“Maybe you should stop,” Soonyoung suggested. While at first, it was fun watching Minghao dance- because when he was still alive, he danced more than he studied- but when Minghao almost slipped on his own sweat, the joy was quickly replaced with concern.

“C’mon, hyung, I almost have it down,” Minghao panted. He was out of breath and his chest was rising and falling so hard Soonyoung feared his lungs might pop.

“Then just a break,” he suggested. Minghao considered it for a moment before sighing a reluctant “fine”, rolling his eyes when Soonyoung made a satisfied sound.

He sat down on the hardwood floor, back pressed against the mirror and a bottle of water that had long gone warm hours ago. It was silent except for Minghao’s heavy breathing and the faint hum of the music still playing in the background, forever on loop until Minghao decided to pack home.

“Hyung,” Minghao said, voice soft and light, slightly strained as he struggled to get his breath back, “would you sing for me?”

It was a strange request, but not an odd one. Minghao claimed to like Soonyoung’s voice and said it was calming, whether singing or just talking. He had once asked Minghao what his voice sounded like, and the younger replied that it was hard to describe.

“You know how when you’re dreaming, everything sounds muffled like you’re underwater, but you can still understand what someone’s saying? It’s like that, but a bit more… ethereal? It doesn’t sound like it should be real,” Minghao explained before laughing and calling Soonyoung a fairy.

But Soonyoung always caves when it comes to Minghao, so he hums softly with the tune of the music playing and Minghao smiles, head rocking side to side with the beat. 

* * *

With the end of spring came the beginning of summer and Minghao’s first visit back home since finding his soulmate. Last summer, he wasn’t able to go home since he couldn’t afford a ticket, but now he was welcomed with the smell of steel and gasoline and Minghao wouldn’t trade this for the world.

Admittedly, Soonyoung didn’t understand a lick of what Minghao said to his parents when he landed besides “Hello” and “I love you” but Minghao looked happy so he couldn’t help but smile.

The plan was to stay for two months until he had to go back to school, and in that time, Minghao taught Soonyoung small words and phrases that were honestly useless, but being able to at least partially understand Minghao’s native tongue made him feel at least somewhat more connected to him.

“That’s a  _ niăo _ ,” Minghao said one day when his parents were out. He was washing the dishes, so he simply nodded in the direction of a small bird sitting just outside.

“ _ Niăo _ ,” Soonyoung repeated, rolling the foreign syllables on his tongue to try and get accustomed.

Minghao nodded in approval. “You’ll be fluent yet,” he noted as he finished washing the last dish. They fell back into silence and Soonyoung took back up his favorite pastime of just looking at Minghao while he did the most mundane things.

The light filtering through the window above the sink gave Minghao an almost ethereal glow. He looks angelic, sleeves rolled up to reveal faint muscle and hair shining a soft gold. A halo of light reflected off his head and Soonyoung couldn’t help but notice the irony. His eyes flickered over to Soonyoung, and he felt like he could spend an eternity getting lost in the deep recesses of his dark brown irises.

“You know,” Minghao says absentmindedly as he flicks the soap suds off his fingers, “I’m going to be older than you this year, so when are you going to start calling me hyung?”

Surprised laughter bubbled out of Soonyoung before he could respond, giggling out a soft, “Never.”

Minghao gasped softly, trying his best to look offended. “So you would really disrespect a hyung? That’s a new low for you, Soonyoung-ah.”

“I was born in ‘96 you brat!” If Soonyoung could slap Minghao’s shoulder, he would.

“I’ll still be older than you,” Minghao insisted.

“Over my dead body.”

Minghao bit his lip to hold back laughter and shook his head. “You’re horrible,” he sighed, small bursts of laughter huffing past his lips.

* * *

It was safe to say that Minghao’s graduation was probably the proudest Soonyoung had ever been. The hour and a half that it took, while boring, was absolutely worth it because he was screaming his praise just as loud as Minghao’s family. Minghao’s eyes were shining as he got his diploma, a bachelor’s in forensic science, which he held up proudly while pictures were taken. It only lasted for a second, less time than was deserved for the countless nights he spent cramming and crying and stressing, but in that moment, Soonyoung’s heart swelled so much he felt like bursting from pure pride. (Later that night, while Minghao was out with friends and family to celebrate, Soonyoung whispered his praise in Minghao’s ear and the boy couldn’t stop smiling into his drink.)

  
  


(Minghao got an apartment only a few months later, wanting to stay in Gangnam for the time being. He roomed with Seokmin and Mingyu while trying to finish his post graduate work and finding a job, but life was looking bright and the hope Minghao woke up with made Soonyoung shine.)

* * *

“Do you ever think about getting married?” Minghao asked. His voice held a tinge of airiness and Soonyoung thought it might be because they were alone.

Seokmin and Mingyu had left an hour ago to go get groceries. Minghao took the alone time to spread out on his bed and stare at the ceiling since no one was home to tell him to do chores.

Soonyoung laughed and Minghao gave him a nasty look. “Don’t be a dick, I’m just wondering aloud,” he defended himself, all traces of lightness leaving his voice immediately as he pouted.

“No, I’m sorry,” Soonyoung insisted as he giggled. “Maybe when I was younger, but considering I’m not in the position to get married right now, I’d say no.”

Minghao continued to pout for a few seconds before straightening out. He thought to himself for a moment and then sighed, turning in his bed to look out the window.

“I think we should get married one day.”

“What preacher in their right mind would marry someone to a ghost?” Soonyoung asked. It was ridiculous, but Minghao seemed serious, so he humored the idea.

Minghao smiled, like he’d been planning out this conversation for the last few hours. “Jisoo hyung told me that he got officiated when he still wanted to be a preacher. It probably doesn’t hold legality anymore since that was back in high school in the states, but it’s better than nothing.”

“How would I wear the ring?” Soonyoung hated that he was actually starting to consider it.

“I could wear yours along with mine!” Minghao said, rolling back over so he could sit up crisscross style and pull his feet closer to his body. “My mom wears my dad’s ring since it doesn’t fit him anymore and I don’t see why we couldn’t do the same,” he explained.

Soonyoung bit his lip as he thought. While at first it seemed ridiculous, the more Minghao insisted the more he became pliant to the idea and it honestly sounded nice.

“Soonyoung-ah?” Minghao asked quietly. He looked up at Soonyoung with a soft smile, eyes melting with warmth and shining brighter than the sun. “Will you marry me?”

Soonyoung couldn’t help the breathless “yes” that slipped past his better judgement.

* * *

Minghao only ended up getting one ring. His paycheck wasn’t big enough to support anything fancier than a silver band with a few gemstones considering he was a recent graduate (three years didn't seem that recent, but when you're working with people almost twice your age, you might as well be a newborn) with no experience and he didn’t get to work on big cases yet, but it was enough for them.

Soonyoung didn’t know what was engraved, Minghao had said it was a surprise and told him to look away when writing it down at the jeweler's, so when the ring finally came in, he was probably a bit too excited.

It was a silver band, like expected, with a moonstone and two small blue topaz’s on either side.

“What does it say?” Soonyoung asked, floating closer to try at peak at the inside of the ring.

Instead of answering, Minghao held up the ring for Soonyoung to read.

_ Soonyoung ♡ Minghao. I’ll love you for as long as you’ll let me. _

“Yah, you’re too cheesy,” Soonyoung complained, rolling his eyes, but still smiling.

* * *

Minghao couldn’t sleep, Soonyoung could tell, so he did what he did best. Talk.

“You’re really handsome, you know?”

Minghao made a small noise in acknowledgement, so Soonyoung knew he was at least listening.

“Like, super  _ super _ handsome. Sometimes you get this look on your face when you're annoyed and I know I should be scared because you’re terrifying when you’re mad, but I honestly find it really attractive.”

Minghao made another noise, close to a snort, so Soonyoung continued.

“There’s other times where you look really innocent, like when Seokmin uses a word you don’t understand, and when you look like that you look so cute and sometimes I wonder if you’re an angel.”

Minghao scoffed this time.

“Do you know how much money I’d give to kiss you?” Soonyoung asked.

Minghao finally responded to Soonyoung’s monologue with a short, “How much?”

“There’s not enough money in the world.”

Minghao laughed outright, rolling over onto his back and throwing an arm over his face out of tiredness. His laugh rang through the apartment and part of Soonyoung worried he might wake up Seokmin and Mingyu, but the greater part of him loved Minghao’s laugh too much to care.

“Let me go to sleep, you nerd,” Minghao said, head lolling to the side and eyes closing, mind finally giving in to the need of sleep.

“I love you,” Soonyoung whispered, drifting closer to that he was almost on top of Minghao.

Minghao mumbling something incoherent, but it almost sounded like “I love you, too.”

* * *

Death was an inevitable part of life, Soonyoung knew this first hand. Even if sometimes it came too early by someone’s own will, it couldn’t be stopped because everyone was bound to die some day.

That didn’t stop Soonyoung from practically crying his eyes out when Minghao was diagnosed with prostate cancer.

“It was caught too late,” the doctor had said solemnly after an attempted surgery to remove the tumor, “It’s already spread through your bloodstream and we suspect it’s in your bones now, too.”

Minghao took it well, nodding in understanding and not crying after the doctor and nurses left.

“Aren’t you scared?” Soonyoung asked, voice raspy with unshed tears.

“Not if it means I’ll get to be with you,” Minghao laughed, airy and full of life despite the situation. Smile and worry lines blended together onto his wrinkly face as he reached out to sooth Soonyoung.

Soonyoung took Minghao’s hand, and even if it wasn’t real, even if it looked like Minghao was just grasping at thin air, it was comforting.

“I’ll see you soon enough,” Minghao said.

Soon enough ended up being two days later, surrounded by the friends and family that were still alive. Minghao never let go of Soonyoung’s invisible hand up until the moment he flatlined.

Soonyoung screamed to the heavens, cursing everything and everyone for letting an angel pass after such a short time on earth. 54 years was too soon.

There was a hand on his shoulder, soft but insistent.

“I told you I’d be with you, you big cry baby,” Minghao laughed, looking just as young as he did when Soonyoung first saw him and just as beautiful as the years Soonyoung saw him growing up.

Soonyoung didn’t reply-  _ couldn’t _ reply- and just hugged Minghao. For the first time since they met, Soonyoung was finally able to wrap his arms around Minghao and hug the life out of him.

  
And if this is what being in Minghao arms felt like, surrounded by warmth and happiness and pure  _ love _ , Soonyoung never wanted to leave them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the cheesiest thing ive ever written but??? im always a slut for cheesy endings

**Author's Note:**

> now that its 3 am and snot is dripping onto my keyboard as i type, i will head to bed and pass out. meanwhile, u guys can check out my [writing blog](http://polybooseoksoon.tumblr.com/)


End file.
